Bishop T D Jakes Talks Marriage With Steve Harvey (Part One)

Last week Bishop T.D jakes was interviewed by Steve Harvey, Marriage was the centre of discussion and Steve asked the Bishop questions you would have asked, or for a rephrase, answers that will take your marital life to the level it ought to be. Here are the questions and answers:
 What is the first mistake young couples make when they are married?
 Young couples can get swept up in the euphoria of romantic love without ever realizing that love ebbs and flows through the seasons and stages of life. The giddiness of new love can easily mask the fact that the bride and groom don’t really know one another when they take their vows.  Many young couples spend more time planning the trousseau, honeymoon and matrimonial ceremonies than they do contemplating what “till death do us part” really means. They say their “I dos” without ever asking the hard questions like whether they are compatible financially, if they have the same outlook on life, common goals, or whether they are equally yoked spiritually.  
When they come down from their bliss they can become disillusioned and discouraged by the desolate state of their union if they don’t learn to navigate the twists and turns that a marital love can take.
What are a few things that would save many marriages that appear to be failing? Marriages can fail for any number of reasons, from lack of attention to lack of skill. Unrealistic expectations , sometimes individuals place unreasonably high expectations on their partners. They want their mate to “complete them,” to be their “best friend,” “their everything” — which is a heavy burden to place on a partnership. The only place where two halves make a whole is in geometry. Marriage requires two whole individuals to become one. Too many cooks in the kitchen .
There is such a thing as the sanctity of marriage. When couples allow outside forces to shape their values, and opinions of their marriage they place themselves in jeopardy. Don’t let other people design a marriage that you can’t live with.
If you think about divorce, does that indicate your marriage is in trouble
In the face of any impending disaster, the experts will always tell you to identify the exits. Whether you are on an airplane, in a restaurant, tall building, parking lot or open arena, the way out is always clearly marked. In marriage, there will always be an exit ramp. One actively chooses to stay on the highway and to steady the course. However, if one partner threatens the dissolution of a marriage as a manipulative ploy, the exit ramp may be closer than one imagines.
When a fight starts, what should each spouse do to keep it from escalating?
Reflective listening is one technique that marriage counselors teach married couples as a means of not only resolving the issue at hand, but as a way of really listening to hear what their partner is saying. By repeating what you heard, you learn to listen with intention of understanding in lieu of lining up your next retort, the next zinger. Your partner then grades the retort, with 10 being a perfect score. The partners work back and forth until clarity is reached. At that point, the listening partner asks, “What is your wish?” The receiving partner then offers a clearly defined deliverable. Taking turns, the couple learns to resolve issues without escalating.
What must you “let go” in order to have a successful marriage?
Unforgiveness is the cancer that will destroy any marriage.

There are still more questions and answers.
Looking forward to the second part.
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