Your Spec, The Log Around My Heart

As my eyes slapped open early that morning, what I saw was my greatest fear. Trust me; it was not a pistol in my face but worse still was it, as I saw a notification on my phone that dragged a picture along…his picture. Like a catalyst, it caused my heart to make a call that the whole of my body could not but respond to. I felt my heart swell and fill up so much so that I thought it could use some space from my body frame. ‘Oh God, do I miss him’. I know, I had told everyone that I have gotten over this, that I was fine, and that I was no longer thinking that I have moved on. 


That morning however, the cloud was gathering dark and thick, and yes I knew it, it was going to rain! On this very fertile ground of my pimpled face, it was going to rain hard and silent. It’s not like it’s something that has never happened before o, it was only going to happen again! Like my friend once illustrated, if I were a character in a book I was reading, I would have repulsed myself; and thought me to be the most vulnerable and gullible lady that has ever lived. I can imagine myself counseling another, ‘Sweetheart, if he has moved on, then you just have to be strong and do same. You cannot keep doing this to yourself. Embrace God’s love dear, you can do this’. However, on that very day, on my bed, after my eyes had seen that ‘evil’; all I could say to myself were the same words Jesus said was to be said to Him, ‘Physician, heal thyself’.

 You know I’ve always wondered if there exist a first drop of rain. Well, as the first drop of this rain was about to drop, like a soldier that has just got a varied last order, I re-directed. I can’t exactly place what made me re-direct, perhaps an article I had read some time ago, or a book, or the Holy Spirit, I just did. It was like some concerted pause in an Indian movie that serves as an intermission at its climax; because when ‘we’ resumed, the rain nevertheless fell. Not hard, but slowly and gently it came, like it was shy and sorry. I allowed it to go 'unnoticed' while the pain sank into my very bones. Just then, a scripture took a stroll on the table of my mind...
 ‘For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet did not sin’ Heb 4:15

Then I smiled (tears still rolling), and I cried, and smiled, nodding my head at a knowing in my Spirit. Yes, God again came for me this time around. He just wouldn’t leave me uncomforted, would He? I thought about it, my high priest was tempted just as I was, as a MAN, yet He did not doubt, He still trusted, for the hope set before Him. It was such an honour to know that He was interested something as 'frivolous' as my emotional instability and love life, and guess what? He didn't judge me one bit. If it makes me depressed and makes me doubt, then it’s not from God – ‘every good and perfect gift comes from Him’. 

 And so, the rain ceased, the cloud became light, the burdening presence left, but not without a promise, a promise that it would back. With a smirk on my face though, I knew I would be ready; not because I glory in my strength, but because I know if I CHOOSE His strength that is ever available and I’m well covered. 

The thief comes only in order to steal, kill and destroy (your joy) . I came that they MAY have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)’. John 10:10 (AMP) 

The devil, a lot of times, tries to ensure we don't live our lives to the fullest by attacking our joy. He makes our souls sorrowful and depressed by things that are obviously beyond our control. Some other times, he just makes us doubt that we can ever come out whatever challenge we're facing alive and whole. I guess most of us go through these things, we must however realise we have a choice to make. We could choose to sulk in the devil's orchestrated depression, or we could deliberately choose the life that God gives, pray about it, and embrace what God has said about us.

 N. B. To share personal experiences and testimonies on this topic, send as a mail to feyisayosoetan@gmail.com. It could birth yet another inspiration. 

 Thanks for reading.
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